Let's Talk! Topics to Discuss With Your Aging Parents

Discussing important and very private issues with loved ones who are growing older can be a challenge. Preparing ahead of time can sometimes mean the difference between life and death; however, studies show that few families have these types of conversations until a major event occurs—a sudden health crisis, the loss of a spouse, or even a holiday visit by children during which it becomes apparent that Mom or Dad is having trouble with normal daily activities. Waiting until a crisis occurs is not a good planning strategy. Although it is critical to bring up these subjects before a crisis arises, you should keep it casual, and don't overwhelm Mom and Dad; let them feel your love and concern.  And remember: helping your parents to plan for the future is not only important for their well-being as they age, but it will make a difference in your financial, emotional and physical health as well.



Topics to think about and discuss as a family:

• Living options—Do your parents want to stay in their current home as long as possible? Or are they considering "downsizing" or moving to a senior living community? Discuss what they would prefer if they were to experience a decline in health and need greater assistance with their daily activities.  Whatever their choices, help them find options.  What home care services are available? What options do they have for assisted living? 
• Home modifications—Is your parents’ home keeping up with their needs? What repairs and modifications could make their house, apartment or condominium safer and more convenient?  From non-slip stair coverings to curbless shower stalls, find out how to improve their home so they can safely age in place.
  
• Fall prevention—Especially if they have already experienced falls, many older adults are reluctant to discuss this topic. But did you know that fall protection is actually an important part of planning for the future? Falls are one of the leading causes of incapacity…and this is one risk factor for incapacity that we can take proactive steps to avoid.  Conduct regular home safety inspections to identify areas of high risk in the home, and make changes where necessary. 
  
• Advance care planning—Have your parents completed advance directives for healthcare, including a healthcare power of attorney and living will? Have you discussed with them what their wishes are if they were to be incapacitated and unable to make their own healthcare decisions?  There are free publications on Advance Care Planning across Canada that can guide them through these decisions.
  
• Government subsidies—Are your parents taking advantage of all the benefits available to them? The government offers basic subsidies for some healthcare products, home care services, and residential long term care. Talk to your doctor or other health care professional for information on subsidies in your area. Where subsidies end, there are private companies that help supplement the level of care you are receiving. Research all your options ahead of time.
  
• A plan to stay physically active—Study after study shows that regular physical activity is the most important contributor to healthy aging. No matter what a person's condition, adding exercise is of benefit. Encourage your loved ones to add more exercise to their lifestyle.
  
• A goal to remain socially connected—Meaningful social interaction is vital to the physical, emotional and intellectual health of people of every age. Recent studies show that seniors who socialize not only with family members but also with other groups have better emotional, intellectual and physical health.  Contact your local Seniors’ Centres for a list of activities that your parents will enjoy.
  
• Estate planning—Do your parents have an up-to-date will? If their plan is to pass property to family members, have they talked to a financial advisor about the best way to do that?  How can their assets help provide for their care in case of a decline in health or incapacity? It is important to speak with a professional, and ensure that it is reviewed regularly.
  
• Avoiding crime and fraud—Unfortunately, criminals and con artists often target vulnerable seniors. Scams and unethical sales methods aimed at older people can cause serious financial loss. Seniors who have been victimized are often ashamed to discuss the incident. So bring up the subject and educate yourself and your parents.

These topics are intended to provide a framework for people who would like to speak to their aging parents about planning for the future.  If the "teamwork" aspect isn’t working as well as you'd like, consider adding outside members to the team. Perhaps a known healthcare provider, physician, financial planner or even a trusted family friend can provide valuable help and guidance.